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害怕交際的人: 充分挖掘自己 就不會感到孤獨

kira86 于2019-05-24發布 l 已有人瀏覽
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自閉癥患者時?;岣械焦露?,尤其是在節日氣氛很濃的時候。一位自閉癥患者的感悟,不斷挖掘自己,就不會感到孤獨。
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广东36选7好彩3开奖奖金多少 www.oabxa.com You Are Not Alone

你不是一個人

(By Lynne Soraya)

(林恩·蘇拉婭)

Loneliness has been a constant companion in my life. I laugh when I read the news articles which try to say that people with Asperger's syndrome "have no desire for human companionship". I can't speak for all - it may be true of some, but it has certainly not been true for me. It can feel like a curse - having the acute desire for human interaction, togetherness, but constantly struggling to make it happen.

一直以來,孤獨都是我生活中一個如影隨形的伙伴。每當讀到一些新聞報道試圖闡明亞斯伯格綜合征 患者“沒有和其他人打交道的欲望”時,我就會發笑。我不能代表所有人說話——這句話對有些患者來說可能是對的,但對我來說肯定不對。我覺得這句話更像是一個詛咒,因為我內心有著強烈的愿望,想和人們交往,想要和他們待在一起,可是要實現這樣的愿望,我卻需要不斷付出努力。

The holiday season has always been especially difficult for me. There are many expectations created by the stories and depictions in the popular media of the "joyous" holiday season. For me, it's often been difficult to reconcile these expectations with my actual reality.

圣誕假期對我來說總是特別難熬。大眾媒體總是通過各種故事與描繪大肆渲染圣誕節的喜慶,令人們產生許多期望。對我而言,往往很難將這諸多的期望與我的實際情況相協調。

This is the time for parties that you're not invited to. Or if you are invited - you feel like an outsider as everyone else mixes and mingles while you find yourself tongue-tied in a corner. It's a time for family celebrations,which don't measure up to the idealized "Currier and Ives " pictures people have in their minds.

圣誕假期是開派對的日子,可是卻沒有人邀請你參加?;蛘嘸詞褂腥搜肓四?,你也會覺得自己在派對上像一個局外人,因為其他所有人都成群結伴、有說有笑,而你卻發現自己待在一個角落里,舌頭打結,不知該和別人說些什么。圣誕還是一家人一起慶祝的時刻,但情形卻未必和人們心目中“柯里爾和艾夫斯石版組畫”所描述的理想化情景一樣。

It's the time of year when you have to wrap your mind around how to maneuver your way around the social dilemmas that give even socially gifted people trouble.

每年的圣誕假期,是讓那些即便在人際交往方面很有天分的人也會覺得麻煩不已的日子,因為你必須絞盡腦汁,琢磨使用何種策略來應對那些社會困境。

Through this holiday season, I've been thinking about this a lot. How many people are out there suffering because they feel that Christmas should be like the movies? Or because they feel even more acutely the desire to "fit in", and feel acutely their failure to do so? Or simply feel more alone when everyone is feeling togetherness, and you're at home alone....

這次圣誕假期,我一直都在思考這個問題。有多少人正在那里飽受煎熬,就因為他們覺得圣誕節就應該像電影里演的那樣過?或者因為他們強烈地想要“融入”進去,同時又強烈地感到自己沒能融進去? 又或者是因為當每個人都和家人團聚時,你卻獨自一人在家,令你感覺更加形單影只……?

I was rooting around in some of my old papers this afternoon and I found a journal entry I wrote in my teens, which I think echoes what many people with Asperger's syndrome feel, perhaps more intensely this time of year.

今天下午,我在家里翻看一些以前寫的文章,發現了一篇我十幾歲時寫的日記。我覺得那篇日記反映了許多亞斯伯格綜合征 患者的感受,尤其是在每年的圣誕假期,這種感受也許更為強烈。

I get so very sad, yet no one around seems to understand. I really wish I had someone. The only way I have to explain it is through my writing or through my stories, and that is hard to express. I know anyone who has known me for any amount of time gets tired of my stories. I don't know. It's so lonely to spend my life jumping back and forth from here to there.

“我是如此憂傷,但是身邊似乎沒有人能理解。我真的希望有人能理解我。我只能通過我的文字或是我的故事表達心聲,但想要表達清楚也并非易事。我知道,身邊的每一個人,不論他們認識我多長時間,都已厭倦我的故事。我不知道還有誰會想聽。將自己的人生耗費在進退維谷和左右躊躇之中,這令人感到無比孤獨。

I never have had a chance to have a normal life. Why do I have to be so different?

我從沒有機會過正常的生活。為什么我得如此與眾不同呢?

I spend all my life trying to find someone who will understand, but because of my life, I wind up having to give them a tutorial about how I act and why. I know it sounds pompous and stupid, but what else have I to do?

我這一生都試圖想找到一個懂我的人,但因為我的生活如此特殊,最后我不得不給他們‘上上課’,給他們講我的行為方式及其原因。我知道,這聽起來顯得有些自吹自擂、愚不可及,但除此之外我還能做些什么呢?

I find no one else like me in my life. I have nothing in common with anyone. I feel trapped in a world that judges me at every turn and yet never bothers to try to help or understand.

在我的生活中,我找不到另一個和我一樣的人。我和其他人沒有任何共同之處。我覺得自己被困在一個世界,那里的人對我的一舉一動都指指點點,卻從來都懶得想辦法幫助我或理解我。

My whole life has been spending trying to figure other people out. I've always felt left out. I'm a watcher because that's all I really know how to be - all I really can be. People say I'm stuck-up and a snob . I don't like to think that I am.

我的整個生活就耗費在努力揣測別人的想法上。我總覺得自己被這個世界遺棄了。我只能做一個旁觀者,因為唯有這件事我才真正知道該怎么去做,也是我唯一真正能做的。別人說我自命清高、自以為是。我卻不喜歡這么看自己。

I love people. I'd love to be with them, but my life is so different, my motivations so strange. I feel I have to compromise some of myself to get along with anyone else. So I am left with two options - to live always compromising parts of myself, never getting to be myself, or to live my life lonely and alone.

我愛身邊的每一個人。我愿意跟他們待在一起,但是我的生活和他們的截然不同,我的這些想法自然也聽起來匪夷所思。為了和別人相處,我感覺自己不得不犧牲一部分自我。這樣我就只剩下兩個選擇:要么一直這樣委曲求全,永遠做不了真正的自己;要么就這樣形單影只, 孤獨地度過一生。

Even though I know I have gifts, there are times when I'd do anything to give up those gifts just I so can be a normal person. People tell me that they can't talk to me because it takes too much energy, but does that mean that I will be forced to spend the rest of my life being a hermit ? Will there ever be anyone who is willing to work to be with me? Will anyone climb the mountain?

即便我知道自己有天分,有時我也會不惜一切代價放棄這些天分,只為能夠做一個正常人。人們跟我說,他們之所以不跟我說話,是因為跟我說話很費勁。但那是否意味著我下半輩子就要被迫做一名隱士?還會有人愿意花工夫和我相處嗎?還會有人愿意來爬我這座山嗎?”

Back when I wrote this, I had no idea why I was different. I just knew that I was. I thought I was alone in feeling this way. In the last five years, I've come to learn that I'm not. Through the miracle of the internet, I've learned that there are many more of you out there.

當年我寫這篇日記的時候,還根本不知道自己為什么和別人不一樣。我只知道自己和別人不同。那時我覺得自己是唯一一個有這種感受的人。在過去的五年間,我逐漸認識到我并不是。通過神奇的網 絡,我知道了在這個世界上還有很多這樣的人。

So, if anyone of you is feeling alone tonight, remember that perception isn't always reality. When I thought I was alone in the world, I wasn't. When I thought that no one else would ever understand or feel the way I did, I was wrong. It was just a question of finding the other people like me.

所以,今晚如果你們有誰感到孤獨,請記住,感覺并不一定總是事實。我曾以為我在這個世界上很孤單,但我并不是。我曾以為永遠不會有人理解我或和我有相同的感受,但我想錯了。在那時,問題只不過在于我能不能找到其他那些和我一樣的人而已。

The idealized depictions of Christmas aren't the reality for most, if not all, so don't think that you're the oddball because your holiday is different. We all have our disappointments in life - but we can find our way. We can find our own crowd, and our own way of celebrating - that's fine.

就算不是對所有人,那也是對大多數人來說,那些關于圣誕節的理想化的描述也都不是事實,所以即使你的節日過得和別人不一樣,也不要覺得自己就是那個異類。誰的人生都難免遇到不如意的事,但我們能找到自己的路。我們可以找到自己所屬的群體,找到我們自己的慶祝方式,這樣就好。

And even if you have to celebrate alone, that's OK. Love yourself enough to know that a celebration alone can be just as valuable as one with others - it's all in how you handle it. If living with Asperger's teaches us anything, it teaches us how to live with ourselves. For some of us, our only friends are ourselves. You can focus on being alone, or you can make the most of what you do have - you.

即使你必須一個人過節,那也沒什么。如果你很愛自己,你就會知道,一個人過節和與他人一起過節是同等重要的,關鍵在于你怎么處理這件事。如果說亞斯伯格綜合征教會了我們什么,那就是讓我們懂得了如何與自己共處。對于我們有些人來說,我們唯一的朋友就是自己。你可以深陷孤獨而難以自拔,也可以充分挖掘你所擁有的東西——你自己。

You can go out and watch people. You can stay home and watch Star Trek. You can write, or listen to music that makes you happy. Or you can find a small, trusted group - that understand you and overlook your eccentricities .

你可以走出家門,去觀察身邊的人。你可以待在家里,看看《星際迷航》這部電影。你可以寫點文章,或者聽聽能讓自己開心的音樂?;蛘吣鬩部梢哉乙恍∪耗閾湃蔚吶笥?mdash;—他們理解你,不會對你一些奇怪的行為大驚小怪。

In any event, the holidays don't have to be sad. Don't be lonely. There are others of us out there. There are others who understand. If you're lonely, my thoughts and prayers are with you, as are the thoughts and prayers of many others out there. You are not alone.

無論如何,我們的節日不必過得如此憂傷。別那么孤獨。世上還有很多像我們這樣的人。世上還有其他人理解我們。如果你感到孤獨,我的心靈會貼近你,我的祈禱會陪伴你,這么做的不止我一人, 這世界上還有許多人也會像我一樣。你并不是一個人。

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